I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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