I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Randomize
