I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
