the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
