Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
