Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
