I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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