No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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