I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize