do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
