no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
