I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
