i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
