I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
