yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
