i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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