Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
