More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
