North Korea, Best Korea!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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