you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
