You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
