Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
