I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
