Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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