we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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