hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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