We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
