if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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