i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
