I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
