I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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