Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
