he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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