What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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