She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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