Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you never un-have a 4some
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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