It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
