You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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