Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
