Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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