The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
