you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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