He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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