If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
