I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
