i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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