In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
