oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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