Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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