mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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