She said her name was "party"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
