i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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