If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Boobs speak an international language.
50% drunk capacity currently
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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