What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize