Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize