mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
