Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize