You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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