i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
areolas are like halos for boobs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize