You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
