I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
