the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
