Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
