I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
