Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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