how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You were trust falling into bushes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
