Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
