i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
